Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
