She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
