Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
