We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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