Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
