i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
this will be a night to untag.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
