I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
