we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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