i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
