i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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