i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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