omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wear drunk well.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
