I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
