boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have fence marks all over my body
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
