Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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