to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
