all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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