I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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