This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
