so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
