I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
