the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
