checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
