Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also, beer. Big fan.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
