giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
