and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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