What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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