Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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