Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
