Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
