that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
