You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
