Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
