My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
