At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
