If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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