could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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