I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
