i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
