he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
