So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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