So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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