Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
