New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you remember whose house we're in?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
