tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
