I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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