I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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