you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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