Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
