was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
