if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
