i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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