So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
