he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
