I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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