i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
