so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
