I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
